Welcome to “Your Amazing Life” and thanks for being here. We discuss tools and tricks to create an Amazing Life in this blog. There are a few powerful ways you can support us. It would help if you subscribe to us and leave a rating/ review, in it leave your top takeaways from what we talked about, and also interact with the community on the Facebook page. Next, be a hero to your friends and family and share it with them… Lastly, sponsor it. Your support makes a massive difference. Check out the show notes for links to the subjects we discuss and if you have any topics, you would like me to address just put them in the private Facebook group. Let’s get into Your Amazing Life.
Many of you have or will go through a divorce. How did that affect your life? How did it affect your confidence? So, I was once told; you should only get divorced when the pain of being together is greater than the pain of divorce. There will be pain either way. I know a lot of my listeners have had to deal with this. Many of the people I coach have also. Some of them have deal with abusive spouses. Some have been gaslighted, treated with verbal and physical abuse, others have been in toxic relationships. Each of them got to the point the pain of being together was greater than the pain of getting divorced. Every one of you that has been through, or have at some point been thinking about divorce has some reasons for it right? How does thinking about divorce leave you feeling? Do you feel like you are a failure or broken? Maybe you feel triumphant or released of a burden. What about feeling some guilt? There are many things you can feel and all of them are correct. But it is important to process each of those emotions. If you don’t move past those it is likely to become an issue for you again.
Maybe you are unsure whether the pain of divorce would be more than the pain of staying married. Maybe you like some of my clients were abused in some way by a spouse. Maybe you feel loss, shame, or guilt in regard to the divorce. Divorce triggers all kinds of emotional pain and that is in the best of situations. It often creates unsettling feelings and disrupts the life you knew. You then have to create new routines, often your ability to trust another person is affected. If you are thinking about it be prepared it will be tough from start to finish. The finish is not necessarily when the divorce is finalized either. There is a great deal of pain that goes along with divorce no matter whose idea it is or how long you have been considering it.
Many of you may be looking to survive the divorce. You just want past the feelings of anger, hurt, confusion, depression, and pain, right? At some point, you had positive feelings for this other person you even said you loved them, right? So, there will be a loss that you will go through. Maybe the divorce was last month maybe it was 10 years ago. It is still possible that you look back fondly on the marriage or maybe feel regret. There were both good and bad times in the marriage, right? It is normal to remember both of those at different times. It is best to take adequate time and be honest, reflect on your feelings, process those emotions. This can be done by talking with someone that can help you walk through what you are experiencing. Walking through this with you can make a huge difference in your life and prepare you for a much better life and relationship going forward. Maybe you have developed new structures. Hopefully, you have looked over the feelings and done the soul searching to find out what is important to you. I talked with a friend and we were looking over the list that they had created on what the ideal relationship would look like. What was important to them. That is making a huge difference in their lives and helping them through the divorce.
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Today we are talking about some of the struggles you may be experiencing because of your divorce. Maybe you feel some anger, hurt, confusion, depression, or pain due to the breakup. I get it maybe you are dealing with some shame. Maybe you feel “less than.” Breakups can fuel many of these feelings right! There is a sense of loss when any relationship is changed. Despite the differences in divorce, I’m betting you feel a sense of this loss. This is part of the grief cycle and it is normal. You lost more than just a person you lost the family unit, you lost shared dreams. So, let’s get back into it.
- You may find it hard to believe it is happening to you. You may think if you change your spouse will come back.
- Shock: This is when you may feel panic, rage, numbness. You also might feel fear when thinking about being on your own.
- Rollercoaster: You may go back a forth from despair to the belief that it can be saved. This is when depression is a real danger. You might try to break everything down and figure out what happened This stage can lead to many destructive thoughts.
- Bargaining: You may be willing to try to change who you are to rewin your spouse. If you didn’t want the divorce, you might get stuck here for some time. But each of us gets to make decisions for ourselves and we have to respect the right they have to do that.
- Letting go: Now you realize the relationship is over. You know that there is nothing you can say or do at this point to change that. You begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel and have a sense of hope for the future.
- Acceptance: Now that the obsessive thoughts have stopped. The need to heal your marriage is behind you. You have plans for yourself and are emotionally prepared for the future. You are in acceptance. Now is the time to continue your look into yourself. Discover your talents, likes, and abilities. Answer the questions What do you want from a relationship. What are you willing to give up? What are deal breakers?
Some people move from one relationship to the next and find themselves in a similar situation each time. The players change but the rules stay the same. This is because they didn’t do the self-work so that they could move to a healthier relationship.
In case you are not sure there is life after divorce. You can have more than you dreamed of and have the life you wanted. All of this is possible. You can make these changes by asking these questions of yourself, to figure out what you want. Knowing and loving yourself is key to any happy healthy relationship. You must first have a quality relationship with yourself. I can help you with tools and tricks to learn about and develop a greater love for yourself.
If you are tired of suffering, tired of beating up on yourself. If you want to struggle less and enjoy more, I have the thing for you. Join the “you have value” program. Then you can have a truly amazing life that is connected and complete. If you are willing to make some changes and invest in yourself. I would love to help you to create who you are capable of becoming. Contact me, email@example.com.
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