How to Ask for Help Without Being Devastated

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Your Amazing Life
Your Amazing Life
How to Ask for Help Without Being Devastated
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Welcome to “Your Amazing Life” and thanks for being here. We discuss tools and tricks to create an Amazing Life in this blog. There are a few powerful ways you can support us. It would help if you subscribe to us and leave a rating/ review, in it leave your top takeaways from what we talked about, and also interact with the community on the Facebook page. Next, be a hero to your friends and family and share it with them… Lastly, sponsor it. Your support makes a massive difference. Check out the show notes for links to the subjects we discuss and if you have any topics, you would like me to address just put it in the private Facebook group. I want to give a couple shout outs first to a new listener Amy and to my Florida tribe. I appreciate them, growing and sharing the podcast with their friends and family. It makes a huge difference getting my voice out there. Let’s get into Your Amazing Life.

I’m sure you have been there, you know you need help, you want help, but the fear of asking for it is too great. It is easier to just sit there and suffer than to open yourself up and ask for help. It could be a project at work or something in your life. But asking for help is the hardest thing for many of us to do. Maybe you see yourself as someone who helps others. It could be that you want others to see you as strong. It could be that you see asking for help as weakness. There are a lot of misconceptions. Maybe you don’t see yourself as worthy of the help that you need or you think you will brother or be a drain on others. I’m sure there are more reasons and whatever yours is, you just set their suffering without asking. 

The truth is that humans are a pack or social being. We are designed to work together. We could not survive on our own as we developed as a race. We need help because it may be something too big and heavy for one person; like trying to lift or move a grand piano by yourself. How many of you would even attempt that? Maybe it is just something outside your wheelhouse, something you do not have the skill or talent to do. But trying to accomplish these tough things on your own will lead to feelings of being alone. Even though asking for help may seem difficult it is what will serve and support you. It is what you are hardwired to do. This is how we survived on this planet. You could not kill a lion or bison on your own. It took a team. Nothing great in history has been done without a team. You are not meant to be alone. You are not the only one who suffers. By asking for help others can get the idea that it is okay for them to also ask. It is because of our need to be together, that asking creates a bond. 

But when we are at our lowest point, we would rather do anything but ask for help right? When I felt like I wasn’t worth it and wanted to stop living. I did not feel that I deserved to ask for help. I was very vulnerable because I would not get help. Many people, maybe you included, struggle to ask for help. Many think that asking for help shows weakness. But the opposite is the truth. It takes no courage to set and suffer in silence. Those that do that are not “strong.” They are misinformed or lying to themselves. It is true courage to stand up and say that “I need help.” Being brave or strong means reaching out and asking for help. We all need it from time to time. Recognizing that we need it makes us human. It makes us part of the group. I know you have been asked for help by people. I’m betting most often you gave it. But not being able to ask separates you from those around you. It makes you feel alone. Even if you don’t think about it consciously, you are aware at some level that others come to you and you help them. Learning to properly ask for help is one of the most important skills we can learn. It can literally save our life.

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So today we are talking about asking for help. We spoke about how that is often the last thing we want to do. We talked about the thoughts and feelings we have that keep us from asking for help. We then talked about the lie we tell ourselves that it is courageous or strong to not ask for help. It is difficult to ask for help but we are built to work with others and get help. Even though you may not see it, we have been genetically encoded to work together. Now let’s talk about how we ask for help? 

The most important question I think we can answer today is; How do we ask for help? To start with “We Must Ask” using words. Mind reading is not something that we can rely on. Asking out loud for what we need is very important. The correct way to ask, is just to be honest and tell them that you need help, and what you need help with. It is important to say it with confidence and be straightforward also. Using honesty, confidence and being straightforward gives people a feeling that you can be trusted. It lets them know that you want their help and you think highly of them and their abilities to help you overcome the problem. You might find the person you asked for help has a deeper understanding of the problem than you expected. Maybe they too have dealt with it or something close to it in their life. Asking will help you understand that you are not alone! It will bring you closeness with those that you ask.

Some tools to use before asking someone for help. First know your audience before making the request. Is this a person that will know how to help? Will they have the knowledge and be able to explain to me how to get past the problem? Will they see the need I have? Do they care enough to put in the effort to help me find the answer? Next tool is to formulate the words and questions you want answered before you go and ask.This goes back to the straightforward part. If you stumble around and do not know how to ask the question It will be very difficult for someone to understand the problem and help you find a solution. Do not provide more or less information than is needed for them to make a correct decision. Then once you get the help once they have told you the information that you needed. Make sure you act on it right away. This will show that you value their information. This will dispel anxiety and reduce the chance of your doubts paralyzing your actions. Another tool is to show kindness, and show compassion towards all. These tools will help you to be able to ask for and get the help that you want.

Some other tools that are great to include in asking for help are words that let the person know that they are part of a group that is important to us. For example, “You are a great friend and have been a big part of my happiness. I could really use your help with figuring out this problem.” As long as you are being honest with this it is a great way to get others to help you. It includes them in your group and will give them a positive feeling about helping you. Next is to let them see how this will be effective. Them knowing the outcome will give motivation for them to help you. These tools will help you not only ask but to get the help you ask for turning you into a strong, and confident person that is able to ask for help.

If you are tired of suffering, beating up on yourself, overreacting, not having the confidence to ask for help; If you want to struggle less and enjoy more. If you want a truly amazing life that is confident, connected and complete, you need the “you have value program” If you are willing to make some changes, be kind to yourself, or stop chasing comfort. I would love to help you to create who you are actually capable of becoming.  Contact me, ‪(801) 449-0750.

“Next time you’ll hear about my struggle and when to give up …

I want each of you to know I appreciate each and every one of you. I’m grateful for your friendship. You mean a lot to me. I know you have overcome some really tough things to get here. Like I said at the beginning there are a few things you can do to help, YAL If this message has been helpful today, please share it with a friend or family member who may need to hear it. Or sponsor it. If you haven’t yet, please subscribe to this blog and leave a rating and review. Also join the Facebook Group or if you need to get yourself aligned to get your goals and dreams, contact me. Let’s get you the amazing life you want! Set up a time to talk with me so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!

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