Welcome to Thursdays Exchange with Katie Rawling.

Ken: Welcome to Thursday’s Exchange with Katie Rawlings. Katie is a strong woman who has overcome many things. She got behind the eight-ball because of some of them but she has found the strength within herself to dig out of where she was and create the life that she wants. So please welcome Katie. It’s great to have you with us today.

Katie: Hi I’m Katie I am a grateful recovering addict, I am a grateful sober person, I have been free from cutting for 8 months, I’ve been staying off of hard drugs for three and a half years and I have been clean off of weed for 8 months.

Ken: So what were some of the things that you were hoping to learn when we started talking?

Katie: I wanted to learn to love myself, I hated myself before I met you.

Ken: How did that come about? How did you start hating yourself?

Katie: My parents would shame me for being fat, They would even though my mom was bigger than me; She would tell me that I needed to lose weight. My family would shame me for binge eating, which I did to cover the hurt of them telling me I was fat.

Ken: What other things where you up and cover come with me start talking

Katie: I was hoping to overcome my cutting addiction.

Ken: Give us a little background on your cutting addiction. How did that look?

Katie: I started cutting at 10 years old my grandma died when I was seven and that devastated me and I started cutting. Then it started getting really bad when I was 14. That was when my sister who was 9 years old, found me in the bathtub full of orange bath water because I’ve bled almost out. She woke me up, she bandaged my wounds, dried me off and she put me in bed. She then told my parents that I was okay, but that I was asleep and I didn’t want dinner. That’s when I started going downhill even more, because two weeks later she started cutting and I blamed myself. 

Ken: What was it that was causing all the cutting?

Katie: I felt like there was no other outlet for my pain, everybody was silencing me. I wasn’t able to talk about my feelings.

Ken: How many appointments did we have together before you start seeing a change in your life?

Katie: probably a dozen.

Ken: Did the changes happen as quickly as you were hoping?

Katie: nothing ever happens as swiftly as an addict hopes.

Ken: I totally get that, It doesn’t happen overnight I mean there is years and years of pain that you were trying to get away from that we had to work through before you could start feeling better. So was cutting the biggest problem you were facing at that time?

Katie: Cutting and my bulimia. 

Ken: Where do you think you would be if you hadn’t gone through the “you have value” program?

Katie: I probably still be cutting myself, not knowing what to do with my life, Actually I’d probably be dead I had a suicide pact with  a couple people that I’m not going to name. But we were supposed to kill ourselves before we turned 20. I don’t think without your program I’d still be alive to be telling you this story. 

Ken; I am so glad that you did not keep that pact! Because there was pain right? I get it. There was a lot of pain that happened. I mean we get shamed from maybe parents or others from school. We get those feelings we get those emotions and there’s so many of us that struggle in knowing how to deal with those. Like you did, right? 

Katie: I was bullied my entire life too. 

Ken: Since we can’t deal with them we bury those emotions and those emotions that are buried they never go away, they never die. So these emotions they’re trying to get out on the surface and these actions that you were using, like drugs and all, were just actions trying to let out all those buried emotions that were bottled up. Now it is a really amazing thing to work through those, that takes a very strong person not everybody will do it. It is important to look at yourself and find out where you are, who you are, and that is what this program is all about. 

Ken: Have the changes that we work together to introduce into your life have they continue to work for you?

Katie: Yes they have, the tools you gave me to help stop cutting the ice cube, the rubberband, I don’t even have to use them anymore and I don’t think about cutting.

Ken : What is the difference that the “you have value” program had in your life?

Katie: It made me realize that I’m more than just my body, I’ve got Spirit, I’ve got a heart. I can think for myself instead of letting everybody else think for me. 

Ken: When other people are thinking for you, you’re going from one reaction to another right?

Katie: Yeah

Ken: What is it like when all you’re doing is reacting to what other people say?

Katie: It’s awful, it’s not living, 

Ken: How did you feel?

Katie: I felt trapped 

Ken: Any other feelings other than trapped?

Kaite: it made me more depressed, made me want to cut myself more.

Ken: The cutting that kind of it gave you some feelings right?

Katie: It gave me feelings other than depression, anguish, and numbness.

Ken: Decide whether or not they are a fit for this program?

Katie: No matter if you think you’re a fit for this program or not, you probably are and you should try it because it has saved my life and it might save yours.

Ken: Did you get everything that you wanted from the program?

Katie: I got so many coping tools, I got so many different views and perspectives on my life that I got to choose what perspective I wanted to fit into my life. I went with it, and I’m happy.

Ken: I appreciate your and putting yourself out here for people because you know what there are so many people that are going through the same things that you did and by being a light to them that is going to make a huge difference in their lives and you are the only one that could do that you were the only one that can speak to them and help them to know what they are feeling and how they can move past it.

“Next time you’ll hear How to Find My Purpose in Life?

I want each of you to know I appreciate each and everyone of you. I’m grateful that you are spending your time with me today so we can develop this friendship. You mean a lot to me and I am glad you are here. I know you have overcome some really tough things to get here. Now I have the most amazing fans and I want to make this better for you. I need your feedback on what I am doing well and what can I do better? Please text me  at 801-6093346 or to set up a time to talk with me at calendly.com/kenn-gerber/introduction-call to let me know how to improve. I want you to have your amazing life!

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