Welcome to Thursday’s exchange with Kim Knavel. Kim went to my I have valued program. She learned to change so much in our time together. She is an amazing woman who does what she says she will and then a little bit more. She experienced massive amounts of growth due to her willingness to take action, it didn’t matter how hard it was or how it came about or the job we came up with she did it with full purpose and a lot of heart.
Please welcome Kim, it’s great to have you with us today. Thank you. It’s good to be here. I wanted to start this off with, what were you hoping to learn from me when you began working with me?
Honestly I wasn’t hoping to learn anything because I didn’t know what I just wanted to feel better. I was lost all the time. I just wanted to feel like, I had my feet on the ground and I didn’t know how to do that.
Gotcha all right and then how many appointments did we have before you start seeing changes in your life?
If you remember I was very stubborn, so it would take a few, because I was always afraid that I couldn’t do what was asked of me. You know you remember some of the conversations I would say things like, “I don’t think I can make that list for you, can I name my kids” because I didn’t have enough belief to even think I could do the homework. It did take a few sessions until I said “I can do this”
Yeah I remember that I do also remember even though you didn’t have that belief you wanted to have that belief, right? That wanting to believe helped while you kept putting these little baby steps forward, so that you can give that belief going so that you could then do the work. Did the change happen as quickly as you were hoping or did it take longer than you thought?
Well I think part of me thought it was just going to be a magic pill. That didn’t happen. It seemed like it took a long time but when I look back it didn’t take a long time. It was actually very very easy coming once I got past that first hurdle which was myself. Once I realized if I’m going to do this I have to do this. So I threw myself in it full force you know if it takes me 6… I remember one day after work I came home. You and I had talked and I’m supposed to make my list and I was like I don’t have three things I like about myself. I don’t care if I’m on my way to work at 7 in the morning. I’m going to be up until I get through the things on that list. So there were a couple of sleepless nights where, “okay I only need 10 so tonight I’ll do three” and I would be up until it was almost time for work because I couldn’t think of three. But it got easier, but I had to force myself to break it down and you helped me break it down as well and that was very beneficial. You would say okay but Kim what are you good at and I would say I’m not good at anything and you said, what do you do with your kids that you’re proud of? You would break it down so that I could see things that I did well. Wait, that is something I like, I do this and I think, maybe I do that really well, Because I didn’t realize that those things were part of that. That is just what I did, so I didn’t realize the two could be interconnected like that.
You would discount the good things that you did and that is somewhat normal. What was the biggest problem that you were facing?
At the time my kids were in Washington and I had just gotten a divorce. I was freshly transplanted back into Utah. I haven’t had a job since basically since I went on maternity leave 20 some odd years earlier. I didn’t feel like I had any marketable skills or you know that was probably the biggest hurdle. Just trying to get my feet on the ground and find out that “okay this is this is where I’m at.” I needed to accept that and just move on and that was, I think the biggest problem I was facing.
Where do you think you’d be if you hadn’t done this program?
Well, right now I’m a shift manager at Arby’s. I’ve been a shift manager for a while and I think I do pretty well. I… I don’t know where I would be. I don’t think I would have had the motivation to keep looking for guidance so I just would have been lost.
That would have cost you a lot, I mean both financially and in relationships
It was hard but when… I don’t… when I found you, I almost had already given up looking to find guidance. Because I thought nobody could help me, so if you hadn’t been willing to help me, I would have been done. I wouldn’t still be where I was then, because nothing would have changed. I was miserable and I was running around making everyone around me miserable too. I make them miserable too but it was not on purpose.
No it was because Misery loves company
Kim, How long has it been since you went through the coaching program?
It’s been about two years
Have the changes that we worked together on, to introduce into your life, have they continued to work for you?
They have. I think the thing that you instilled in me the most, that I end up using the most often, is the ability to remember that I can dig myself out. If I wake up and I feel terrible… I can change that. I now have the skills to change that, I just have to slow down and step back. Before I couldn’t do that, So yeah I use it at least two or three times a week.
So what is the difference that the “You Have Value” program has had on your life?
I used to always say my depression was like a spiral staircase and it just takes you down and you don’t know you’re there till you hit the bottom. I can now catch what I’m slipping… and sometimes I have to sit with the depression for a couple of days while I’m doing my meditations and my affirmations and things like that but I don’t have to sit in my depression. That is a huge change so I can still function and maybe I’m not like telling jokes 24/7 but I can still function through it. This is because I now have other processes that remind me that I can make it through. I used to not think there wasn’t anything I could do about the way I felt. I would get depressed and sometimes it was situational, sometimes it wasn’t. I do have clinical depression. When it was situational, I couldn’t make it go away, when it was just because I was depressed I couldn’t make it go away. I always felt like everything else was controlling me, the people around me, my emotions, everything was controlling me. I like not being controlled. I like saying to my depression, I can sit with you for a few days and I can look at these depressive feelings. This way I can see where they’re coming from, I don’t have to judge them and they can make me sad for a minute but I’m not going to be buried in them.
The things that we go through are emotional and there’s other people that are going through them also, to be able to share that with us shows how strong you are and how wonderful a person you are. That is one of the reasons I wanted you on my podcast because you have such strength and you are such an amazing person. I just love to see the difference in you now and when we first talked. I mean they’re not even on the same page. I mean there’s just so much different than you. You now and You then they are not anywhere close. The confidence I see in you now is just wonderful to see, your face lights up and it is just so cool that you’ve been able to take those tools and implement them into your life. You have built an Amazing Life for yourself, where you are happy and it’s not because things don’t get you down, it’s not because your life is perfect, it’s not. Your life is a life, just like everyone else’s and you have to go through garbage but the garbage doesn’t have to hold you back. Next, did you gain more skills, money, and emotional intelligence through the program?
I learned a lot of skills, I I had very few coping skills as far as social etiquette goes, and being able to cope in social situations. I had basically no skills or very limited skills in that area. I gained the skills to be able to go beyond my front door to get the mail. I can go to Walmart by myself, I can go to work by myself, I can run a shift to teenage boys by myself, all of those are things I couldn’t have done. You know, now I can go grocery shopping, I really have the social freedom as far as my skills go to do whatever I want. I can do this, would you have seen me doing this and opening up to more people?
You had trouble opening up to me but trying to open up to more people that wouldn’t have happened would it?
No, not without my play face and three inches of makeup on and my hair done. But it was my play face, it was an act. Today it is just me and I would never have been able to do that! I can hold down a job so financially it is a lot better too.
So because you are able to hold down a job that made a big difference on your money right?
What would you say to those people who are sitting on the fence trying to decide whether or not they are a good fit for this program?
I don’t think anybody has to be a fit for this program because this program fits everybody, if you’re willing to look at yourself and be a better person you don’t have to fit the program because the program will fit you. It may be baby steps, it may take the six months to get that “10 things I like about me” you know. But it will fit if you’re willing to take those baby steps when the normal steps are too scary, it’s still going to help, it’s still going to change you. It’s still going to make your life better and so you shouldn’t sit on the fence!
Did you feel like you got everything that you wanted from the program?
Well, I didn’t know what I wanted, I really liked what I got. I really think it was beneficial, it did wonders for so many areas of my life. But I can’t say I did or didn’t get what I want because I don’t think I even knew what I wanted. I just… I was just, I wasn’t even existing at that point. I was just there barely, so I don’t know if I got what I wanted because I didn’t want anything. I don’t know if I wanted to wake up the next morning because of where I was at. What I got was amazing and beneficial, and definitely what I needed.
So maybe you got not what you wanted but what you needed from the program?
Yes I definitely got what I needed from the program!
I really appreciate our friendship together. You are an amazingly strong woman and I appreciate that about you. I talked about this a little bit earlier but there were times when I would give you a baby step and then we’d get back together and you had taken that baby step and made it into three wild jumps and did them. This shows how strong a person you are and how wonderful you are. The fact that you can now work and be in charge of teenage boys, which if anyone doesn’t know this I’m going to let out the secret, teenage boys can be difficult to work with. Knowing who you were when we first met, it was hard to see you being able to do that at that time. It has been amazing to have you on the podcast,hopefully we can have you on again. Because I really enjoyed talking with you and hearing about your experience and I’m hoping that other people with similar thoughts will be able to see themselves in your shoes. People can contact you and ask you about what you learned right?
Yes I’m available on Facebook it’s Kimberly Knavel
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