So let’s start with Emotions and where they come from. They start inside of each of us. If we feel anger, frustration, fear, or something else they all start inside. It is not from someone outside of us nor is it caused by what they do. We often blame others and look to the triggers rather than the feelings. It is the feeling we have inside that we then mirror and see it reflected back to us because of a trigger that the other person hit. It’s like a pressure cooker and after it builds up, the pressure has to be released, it’s got to come out somehow many times onto someone. So a person’s anger or frustration, even if directed at me is not personal, It is showing up because that person has that emotion inside of them boiling up and spilling out onto me. So if I am fearful then I am going to show anxiety out in the world and with those that I deal with. But anxiety is not the base of the issue. The base is the fear. I’m feeling fear and it is showing up as anxiety. Many people in our society today bundle up and suppress the emotions they are feeling. That only works for a certain time period. Those emotions will eventually explode if they are not given an outlet.
Then if someone throws up their emotion all over us it often then triggers in us a feeling or buried emotion in us. That is why there is a trigger there. So if my Step mom says something rude if there is a trigger if I question on some level what she said that emotion will get released. Now it is easy to say that she caused the feeling right I mean I wouldn’t have felt it had she not said that right! Well the truth is that is not the case. I did actually have that feeling inside of me it just was not in the conscious areas of my body and brain. It is like boiling water if you have a pot of water that is cold. The time it takes to heat the water to boiling can take quite a while. But if you have a pot on a back burner and just let it simmer it takes very little time or energy to get it to boil. That is what is going on in your life. You are keeping the pot warm ready to boil over if anything stokes the fire. Then when you get triggered. Boom!!!
Some people explode and others can implode when pushed by triggers to feel emotions. But in either of these experiences the thing that is the same is the emotion is not dealt with. I have had times when I blew up all over someone as they had stocked the fire that I had simmering. But back when I was a teenager, and I was so good at this, I knew my dad’s trigger points and how to push them. I also knew when he was ready to blow and could most often drop it just before he got there. I told my dad this and he was so mad but he knew I was right. But it gave me control of the relationship. And then there are times when I am triggered but I bury it and turn my emotion inward. Those are three of the possibilities. They each work differently with different people and emotions. None of them work great for both people in the relationship. They all have down sides. But there is at least one more option to try. That is feeling and embracing that emotion. Run it through to any logical end. Look at the options that you come up with and see what it is. If it is a fear what is the very farthest the fear can go.
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